We are innately resilient, but how many of us actually feel this way? Building resilience is key to gaining a greater degree of emotional steadiness (aka equanimity), but some days can seem impossible.
Simply put, it can be hard to human.
Equanimity is the state of being calm and even-tempered. It’s a flexible state of steadiness, particularly amidst stress. And even though equanimity is our natural state, it’s the opposite that most of us are familiar with. That opposite goes by a lot of different names: fear, anxiety, irritability, moodiness. In the mental health world, the opposite of equanimity is a concept called “emotional reactivity,” which basically means the mood is unstable and we are easily thrown off. This isn’t good as it strips us of our energy and makes us more vulnerable to things that are completely outside of our control.
And what about joy? How do we feel joy when we are feeling depressed or anxious?
As RVers, our lives can be filled with adventures. We live pretty amazing lives—camping in majestic places, bucket-list exploring, and enjoying the company of our fellow travelers. But we still have the daily stressors, anxieties, and challenges that affect our mood.
We may be in complete awe at the top of a mountain peak or feel total happiness on the shores of a beach, but there may be a slight tugging at our soul that something is missing when we’re removed from these moments. We’re searching for something deeper, something everlasting that we can take with us—wherever we roam.
What we want is joy.
What Is Joy And How Do We Find It?
To be clear, joy is not the opposite of depression. It’s also not the same thing as happiness. Joy runs deeper than any feeling. It’s more enduring, and it can be accessed anytime, anywhere. We are wired for it!
Every day we have thoughts and emotions such as anger, fear, or grief. We have been told to “just think positive,” and wear shirts that say, “good vibes only” (i.e. toxic positivity), but the truth is we can’t immediately replace an emotion. We need to honor and validate these emotions in order to build the resilience to cope better in the future. If we tell ourselves that we shouldn’t be feeling them, or negate them in any way, we unsee ourselves.
We need to be able to experience the wave of anger, hatred, injustice, and sadness. Or maybe it’s feeling defeated, powerless, or small. We need to validate it, to notice it, and find the opportunity to learn how to strengthen our connection with self and the emotions that we feel so that no matter what is happening around us we can find a sense of calm to navigate through it.
This is how we find joy amongst the chaos.
We need to be curious and compassionate about our feelings and allow space for them instead of judging them as right or wrong. It’s normal to have these feelings as they help us to understand and adapt to the world around us. If we are struggling (or witness another struggling) we immediately want to fix the problem. We tell ourselves that we are okay.
But it’s not okay right now.
We are in emotional pain, and we are struggling.
But…
Eventually…
It will be okay.
Building Emotional Resilience
Validating the emotion we are feeling and being with discomfort builds resilience. It regulates our emotions. Forced (or toxic) positivity is denial of the emotion and the way we continue to feel “stuck.” We need to be able to recognize and be with uncomfortable emotions and then step into the process of building our skills so the next time a crisis hits or we are dysregulated, we know how to get back to our center.
Here are 5 steps to help you build your resilience muscle and find more joy:
1) LABEL IT:
Identify the emotion in a granular way: Is it stress or is it really feeling overwhelmed, disappointment, feeling unseen, or unsupported? Ask ourselves, what is truly making me sad or depressed? Is it loneliness or the feeling of isolation? This may help us identify the specific cause of the stress we are experiencing.
Then ask, is this all of me? Does it define who I am as a whole? Or maybe I’m just noticing that I feel sadness about a particular thing. Getting specific can help diffuse the overarching feelings of depression, anxiety, or stress, and break it down to a more manageable level.
2) SEPARATE OUR EMOTIONS:
We can set healthy boundaries with ourselves.
- Recognize the “need” in the moment of the emotional trigger.
- Empathize with the emotion.
- State what we can and can’t do at the moment.
This is a compassionate way to not suppress the emotion (toxic/forced positivity again here) and help give us space to process what is happening. We can come back to it when we are feeling more stable and see it with a different perspective.
3) NOTICE:
Say the words ”I am noticing I feel… (sad, angry, overwhelmed, etc.),” instead of “I am stressed.” Knowing this helps us see the emotion as an indicator of discomfort and allows us to navigate our way out. The emotion is not of the whole of us. It may be helpful to repeat the phrase below:
“I am the ocean (my center) and this experience (my emotion) is just a wave. It is a part of me, but it is not all of me. I am more than the wave, I am the ocean.”
4) PAUSE:
Do not try to fix the emotion. Solving, fixing, and controlling is part of the problem, not the solution. No matter how you might be feeling, try to remember that you are not broken and that you do not need fixing. It’s a difficult thing to be human with ourselves and others—to just pause and hold space for what it is. Emotional reactivity is our default, but we always have our wisest self within us to help guide us to our center of calm. It’s in these pauses that we can hear it.
5) APPLY IN REAL LIFE:
How does this look in our everyday lives? As mentioned above, the RV lifestyle is pretty darn wonderful, but it’s not without its challenges. It won’t take but a moment to remember that one day you had while on the road. Maybe it was a flat tire in the middle of the desert, a broken axle on the side of the mountain, or perhaps your sewer hose broke at the dump station with six rigs in line behind you. S*it happens, right?
These are situations that, at the moment, seem chaotic (they are!) but are also temporary. Chaos and joy are not mutually exclusive and can share the same space. A good trick is to visualize holding joy in one hand and chaos in the other—because they can be held together. This understanding is how equanimity shows itself to us and how we build up that resilience muscle.
In conclusion, building resilience is a practice of recognizing, validating, and navigating our emotions. By practicing these steps we are creating space for equanimity and joy. Remember, you are innately resilient and more than capable of finding your center amidst the rolling waves.
MEDICAL DISCLAIMER
This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional.
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Author:
Lorri Weisen
Lorri Weisen is the COO and partner at Natural Mental Health® (NMH) and The Joy Lab® Program + Podcast. NMH is a health communications company serving folks who want a more natural approach to reducing chronic stress, anxiety, and depression and are looking to create new paths built on existing strengths. The Joy Lab Program + Podcast builds on these strengths by applying the latest science, infused with soul, to help folks uncover their joy.
Lorri is also an Integrative Health Coach and provides synchronous support for the Joy Lab Program over in the NMH Community. She is currently writing her first book, Turning Left, and has lived on the road for five years. You can follow her on Instagram @nomadic_healthcoach
NMH is a commercial partner of Escapees and offers a 25% discount on their Community membership.
